ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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