Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
