There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
