The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
