need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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