Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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