I can text with my tongue
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
