Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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