from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
