We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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