I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
