Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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