and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
