Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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(212): View more from New York

the recession has oofficially hit my standards.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?

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(303): View more from Colorado

these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup

(303): View more from Colorado

now he is talking to a potato

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(262): View more from Wisconsin

The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

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(425): View more from Washington

In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter

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(815): View more from Illinois

If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again

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(630): View more from Illinois

he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them

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