I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake