from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao