my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dating After Heartbreak
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back