There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
