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I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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