I would do horrible things to your vagina.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.