we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
