it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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