I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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