last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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