Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
