I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
