dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
