dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
