you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
