oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
