If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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