just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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