I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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