whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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