i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
