I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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