I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
