I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize