No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's like iHOP with fire
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
