I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
