I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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