Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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