Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
