I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
