I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i want to swaddle you in tequila
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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