It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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