really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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