i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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