Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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