you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
