Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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