no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
