We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
