took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
