My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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