So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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