I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
