I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
