I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
