so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
