omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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