A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
