I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
