When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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