youre lurking in front of me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
