I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
