Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
