why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
