I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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