I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
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Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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