There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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