How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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