You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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