Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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