Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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