i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
