why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
