Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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