i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
