So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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