So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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