She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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