he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
