I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
