9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
