Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
